noel.arbuthnot

What's wrong with me? I sometimes ask myself that question, and I'm not talking bout my Owen Wilson nose, which is more crooked than half of the men in San Francisco, or my body hair, which might have given my mom rug burn during my birth. No one cares about that really... I'm talking about my obsession with cars!

When I was a baby, you didn't catch me with a dummy or sweet in my hand, it was a toy car you would find me clinching onto at any given time. At the age of nine, I taught myself how to drive from watching big people do it...and it worked. I still remember my first pull off ever, it was a sunny day on a dirt road in a forest with a Mazda 323 1.3 manual transmission. With my dad in the passenger seat, and a pillow under my backside (so that I could see out the car), I didn't even stall, but made an impressive wheel spin. After that day I was in the car almost every day like an addict, whether it was to take my parents cars out of the garages or just driving around parking lots, prior to getting my drivers license. I am now 29 and my passion for cars has never stopped.

Now if you had to ask me about my first kiss (which was years after I learnt to drive and maybe not as successful), I can honestly say that I do not remember it. I know it was a girl...but that's about it. Who was it, when was it, no idea! Don't care!
But ask me anything about any of the cars I've been with and I can tell you all about them.

So what car do I currently own? You would think its a car I bought with my heart, something with passion, or a sports car...something like an Alfa, a GTI, an S2000 or an MX5... but nope, none of that kind. I have a bog standard, bottom of the range 2000 Daewoo Lanos 1.4i. You want to hear about the features? Probably not, but don't worry, it won't take up much time to go through. My Lanos has an air conditioner for our African heat, and I installed an MP3 CD player, that's it! No electric windows, power steering or anything fancy.

It's the total opposite car to what my heart wants, but my head is screwed on right (at least I pretend it is) and for financial reasons at this exact time in my life, this car is the perfect economical cheap means to get me from A to B. I wish it was more than that, but it isn't. I can't even stand it when people say that a car is just a way of getting from A to B, it's against everything I believe...so I guess that makes me a hypocrite. I'm glad that my heart and brain are separated by about 30cm's of flesh and bone, other wise they would be brawling over this matter all the time. As soon as my finances allow, I will give in to my heart and get a car that I can love.

So what's my little Daewoo like to live with? Well I have owned it for about 7 months, it has 105000km with a full service history with no prior accidents or rust. So far it has been totally reliable and problem free.

Climb inside and it's pretty comfortable, cheap but comfortable. The black plastic dashboard and buttons have the same quality as Lego... no actually not that good, more like the plastic of those cheap margarine tubs. So unsurprisingly, there are already 2 cracks on top of the dashboard. Then there are the rattles from these cheap plastics, which come alive even at the sight of a hairline crack in the road which you can't even feel when driving over it.

The clutch is light and so are the gears, as long as you are not rushing the gear change. You can pull away easily without stalling and it is pleasant to drive at normal speeds thanks to the 8 valves. Rev it past 4000RPM and that doesn't help much though other than making it a bit louder. The handling is awful for anything relating to spirited driving, feeling soggy, unstable and "understeery". The steering feel is also nothing worth mentioning, but the ride comfort is not too bad with that soft suspension and high profile tires. What about her drinking habits? Much like me, she tends to behave herself and doesn't consume too much. The average fuel consumption is about 8.5 litres per 100km's in town and I get about 7.5 over slightly longer distances. Drive it like your mom would and its just fine for a cheap car.

So for its intended purpose it is doing its job pretty well. Much like your wife sleeping in granny pajamas, they are practical and keep her warm, but not much fun at all. For me, I want to buy a car like buying her lingerie, something exciting, even though it's less practical and also a bit dangerous... but it certainly gets the heart going!